Party Aside... >>

“I, President Barack Obama, take upon myself the grave responsibility to which you have entrusted me, and pledge to strive to reach across party lines. We are not red America, and we are not blue America. Out of many, we are one. Many challenges lay before us, and we cannot face them down until we look to our fellow man and realize what binds us, and not what divides us.

Our nation must borrow trillions, with questionable oversight, to pump vitality back into this economy. And to that end government is the best vehicle.

We shall legalize all abortion in every form, facet, and circumstance; a child on an operating table is to be left in a laundry room and disposed of as chemical waste would be. Women do not make these decisions lightly, and struggling with a choice is a valid substitution for making the moral choice. Guns, in all forms, in their manufacture, sale, possession, and carriage shall be banned under penalty of incarceration. And if the Bill of Rights confounds our approach to this brave new world, then we shall heavily tax bullets and serialize them with non-repeating numbers. If not in theory, then in fact. Government must act as a swift agent for change, on behalf of the people. And to realize that dream, we must come together and forget parties, as we pull out of Iraq, increase welfare and wealth redistribution, socialize medicine, nationalize oil drilling, and marginalize those who bitterly cling to guns and religion. We must get past our differences. 600,000 new government jobs must be created to replace the legitimate ones, to thus restore the balance and heal the economy that has been ravaged by capitalism run amok. The Community Reinvestment Act, ACORN, and Fannie Mae have no culpability in the past eight years of failed policy, and should be therefore, from my office, embued with unbridled power over the financial markets of the United States. If you oppose this, then your partisanship will be your shame.

Lastly, I deliver a gracious ultimatum to the representatives on the other side of the isle, to give up your listenership to Rush Limbaugh. Listen to me. We cannot have a radio frequency that holds conservatives to their principles, and lashes Trent Lott for abandoning the Southern Borders and conservative ideals. The political gravity of America... I will shift to the left. And I will do so by portraying a standard conservative as an extremist on merit of his tone, not his stances.

All of this bountiful blessing from Providence will fall from heaven to our shores, and across the hearths in our vast land, yellow will be mellow and white will embrace what is right.

We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature." >>